Letting Go

Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 (NLT)

Recently, the Lord taught me a lesson in a most unexpected way. After spending some time in prayer about it, I decided to join Match.com for a month. I felt led to give it another try, paid for the subscription, and the experience began. After a few days of no luck, I received a message from a really nice, Christian guy. Over the course of the next 4–5 days, we exchanged countless messages every day. I found we had a lot of things in common, and we seemed to be looking for the same things in a relationship. The catch: he lived in a different state, and because he had a daughter from a previous marriage, he would never choose to move too far away from her. I respected and supported that stance and felt it said a lot about him as a father and a person. But, if I’m being honest, it gave me pause. And this is where the Lord began to work in my mind and heart.

I am a born and raised Kentucky girl. And, if you know anything about me, you know that, outside of Jesus, my relationships and my people are the most important thing in my life. So, I found myself reeling with the decision of whether or not to continue the pursuit of getting to know this guy, recognizing that should things progress forward into a future together, it would require me to move. The thought of leaving my life here made me anxious. My first home, my wonderful job, being (relatively) close to my family, and most importantly, the amazing friendships I have made here. But, on the other, I pray regularly for my future husband and about God’s plan for my life in that area, so I wanted to trust Him in this.

After realizing this fact, I remember being in the shower later on that evening, processing and praying about all that was in my heart when I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to reach out to a great friend of mine who is so very wise. I have known this friend for several years, and she has always been an amazing spiritual mentor. So, I hopped out of the shower, and the first thing I did was dial her number. Before sharing my situation with her, I asked her to listen and respond with whatever she felt the Holy Spirit put on her heart to share with me. I didn’t care what it was—good, bad, or ugly. I wanted it to be spirit-led. She happily agreed. After giving her the details and expressing my struggle in regard to whether or not to continue pursuing this new-found connection, her immediate response to me was, “Katie, this is not a door you are supposed to close on your own. If it’s meant to be closed, God will close the door. You are a woman of God. Continue to walk this out, one day at a time, and you will know. He will show you”. Whew. I let out a huge sigh of relief. Aren’t you so thankful for the spiritual mentors God places in our lives? I know I am beyond grateful. (And, if you don’t have any spiritual mentors, pray about that and ask God to lead you to someone who can play that role in your life. I promise that you won’t regret it and your life will be forever changed for the better.) I felt good. I felt a sense of peace in moving forward.

Enter chaos. Enter confusion. Enter the enemy.

A day or so after that conversation, I spent the better part of 24 hours battling in my mind. I reached out to a friend that morning via text, just letting her know about my struggle. She was so very gracious to offer prayers and to talk whenever I was ready. In the Lord’s perfect timing, we had a conversation later that evening, and she walked with me through the process of verbalizing my thoughts in a way the revealed what God wanted to teach me about my heart.

Hold my hand. Hang on tight. Don’t let go.

These are all phrases commonly used as a way to protect the tiny humans in our lives that we care so much about. This got me thinking. I tend to hold tightly to things I care about, specifically the people I care most about. While this is done from a place in my heart full of love, it has also proved to be a hindrance to my relationship with Jesus as I have struggled to put my own needs above His will for my life. Here I was again, at this familiar crossroad: Do I cling tightly to what I know and love, or do I let go of my grip and allow my hands to be open to receiving what God has for my future?

As I was processing, I paused. A profound thought that I am confident was from the Lord entered my mind: Continue to release, and together we will celebrate all that I am doing in your life.

I love the way the Lord speaks to each of us through different avenues, like music, weather, visions, and so much more. For me, the Lord often speaks to my heart through the repetition of particular words or phrases. And there they were, again: release and celebrate. Undoubtedly, through that conversation, Jesus replaced the chaos and confusion with calm and clarity.

A few more days of messaging with this guy and a video chat later, I was unsure about moving forward. There was a lack of connection, and through numerous experiences in the past, I have learned to trust how the Holy Spirit is leading me. After spending some time in prayer and seeking counsel from several trusted friends, I knew this was something I no longer wanted to pursue.

Getting ready for bed later that night, I had a moment in which I felt the Holy Spirit speak to my heart. I really, truly believe this (here in Nicholasville) is where I’m supposed to be right now. I feel that in my spirit and my soul. When I look at the relationships I’ve made, the connections He has provided, and all He is doing in my life, I genuinely believe the Lord brought me here with a specific purpose.

This recent scenario has reminded me to always take my uncertainties and worries to God in prayer, listen for His leading, and continue to keep my hands and heart open to His will for my life. I am open to His plans for my life changing, but for now, I am so grateful to be right here and for the way He continues to speak to my heart in regard to blooming where He has planted me for this season of my life.

I went to bed that night, still single, but with peace in my heart—peace from Jesus that is unlike anything else. As Paul wrote in Philippians, a peace that passes all understanding. Whatever it is in your life that is stealing your joy or keeping you up at night, I implore you to let it go and let God lead you to places you could never go without Him.