Squashing Shame Like a Bug

And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden (Genesis 3:8, ESV).

I hate things that crawl, specifically when they are in my house. So, when I discovered ants a few weeks ago, I temporarily freaked out and began doing whatever I could to remedy the problem. Thankfully, I have an Orkin guy that I was able to call. He responded promptly and came out the next day to address the issue. This is just one example of something that, while some might think is silly, really causes me distress.

I think one of the reasons I hate things that crawl is because it makes my skin feel weird. I imagine worst-case scenarios that would cause my skin to have “blemishes” of sores, bites, etc., and my body generates this physiological response where I begin to itch when nothing is there.

A few days later, I continued to feel a little distressed about my ant situation. I was tired, and I just generally felt unsettled. So, despite gas being crazy expensive right now, I did what I always do when I feel this way: I went for a drive and asked the Lord to help me understand why.

I drove to a local park, grabbed my Bible, and flipped to the concordance in the back. I eventually landed on the term anguish. This led me to Luke 16, which tells a parable of a rich man who refuses to help a man with open sores on his skin. As you continue to read, you find that the “man who had nothing” ends up in heaven while the rich man, who “had everything he wanted,” was in anguish. Through this story, the Lord led me to put these pieces together:

Things that crawl = bites/sores/skin blemishes = my fault = my sin = shame

I know, I know. That may seem like a far-fetched connection but bear with me as I try to explain. As I continued to process what I had read, I remembered that in the Bible, those with skin diseases were considered “unclean.” I ultimately made the connection that, for me, being “unclean” leads to a feeling of shame. Taking that one step further, I asked myself this difficult question: “Lord, have I been guilty of subconsciously judging those with skin diseases in a way that has led me to cast shame upon them?Quite a difficult question to face, but I am grateful the Lord brought this to light in a way that allows me to examine my own heart.

Genesis 3 tells the story of “The Fall,” which is ultimately a result of Adam and Eve’s sin of eating the forbidden fruit. Where they were once living in a state of innocence, the result of their sinful choice was shame being introduced into the world, and that changed everything. Verse 8 says: “And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.”

When we walk around carrying shame, regardless of the source, we not only hide who we are from those around us, but we attempt to do the same from a God that loves us unconditionally. I am guilty.

Thankfully, I am reminded that Jesus’ death on the cross was to allow us to come to Him, lay our shame at His feet, and then get up and walk in the freedom of knowing our sins are forgiven, now and forever.

I’m sure you are wondering how we got from ants to shame, but that’s just the way the Lord works in my life. Writing this devotional was difficult for me because it forced me to focus on something that makes me feel uncomfortable. It required me to expose an underlying feeling of shame that I am continually working to put into the hands of the Lord. But, ultimately, it led me to the realization that, whether I’m deemed clean or unclean by the world’s standards, Jesus’s love for me will always remain unconditional.

I am prayerful that sharing this story may help someone else who is struggling with something similar. Shame, or any other sin pattern we are carrying around is not what God wants for us. 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” I want to encourage you today to talk to the Lord about whatever it is that may be causing your heart anxiety today. I am praying for strength and courage as He reveals to you whatever it is that He is asking you to lay at His feet.

As for me, the next time I see something that’s crawling, I will be reminded that God does not want me to feel shame, and I will do my best to squash that shame like a bug.

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